It’s about time I started my next chapter in life. The past 15 years seem to have flown by, and I suddenly find myself at a point in my life where I have to rebuild from dusty boxes of belongings I had long put in storage. With the inheritance of my late mother’s entire household possessions, I was able to move back to the land of my people, North Carolina. I am free to pursue a new life, and I’ve been quietly rehearsing my re-entry into the world.

I quickly learned I had a lot to relearn. Mops? Where the hell do I buy picture hangers? Wait, where do I store the ironing board? How often am I expected to clean the toilet bowl? Is there a Home Economics course for newly divorced men?

The marriage was a failure, but the parting was amicable. We’re still friends and we both learned tons about ourselves.

1. Neuordivergents probably shouldn’t marry each other. That much emotional disregulation under one household is a terrible thing to behold.
2. We should never have gotten married to begin with

But hey, isn’t that the story of so many marriages? You do it, you give it a shot, you suffer, and then you end it. It’s life. Thank God it’s the 21st century and you can end a marriage with a TikTok. We will always be friends though, so I am blessed in that regard as well. The anger and regret of taking so long to assert for myself is assuaged by the kindness and help she’s given me in my send-off. We often exchange cat videos and stories about drunk raccoons late at night. Also, the odd Facetime call with Sophie, our Chihuahua that stayed with her mommy.

We had already buried our beloved dogs, Josie and Cortland, the months before I left, so it was a natural choice for Sophie to stay with whom she was more bonded to. Cortland and Josie had lived their whole lives and the length of our marriage, before they passed away of old age. With their passing came our marriage as well, and I started my plan for my new life.

So far, I’m alive and I’m happy. Scared out of my goddamned mind, but happy. Now I just have to figure out who the hell that old guy is in the mirror, because he looks like my Dad, and that man is in a box on a table in my foyer. Who is this asshole?

CFM